She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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