Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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