So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
sarcasm needs its own font
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
