It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
