Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
