PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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