After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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