just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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