He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
