Christians are straight up FREAKS
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I enjoy the company of your penis
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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