i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
