The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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