accomplished twins. life is a go
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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