he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
