Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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