Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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