So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
