Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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