Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
