i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
