whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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