I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
