he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
