never play flip cup with pint glasses
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
