Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
These tits shall not be calmed
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