hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
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So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
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At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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