Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
