i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
