WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
