i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
