He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
