he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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