consequently i now know what mace tastes like
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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