Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She tied me up with her honor cords...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
