You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
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Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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