Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
