we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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