Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
foreskin is a definite game changer
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
