There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Someone came in the potted fern
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
