DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
