Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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