I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
