i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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