Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
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they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
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I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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