Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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