It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
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Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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