so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
