It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
