He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize