I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
