he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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