what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
