i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
