i think my tv is drunk
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
