Already got asked if we're dating
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
