Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
