Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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