hotel room ftw
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
