found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
