My hair reeks of homosexuality.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
