you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I would fuck him just for his dog
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
