are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
