I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
