hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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